dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
