I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
