Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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