So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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