i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
