I'm gonna have a badass scar
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
