do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
