maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
