Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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