Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
