so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
