I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
