(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
