careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She bit a glass in half.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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