I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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