apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
