is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
