I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
