Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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