i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
