Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
