Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
