it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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