"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
