I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
