Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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