Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
