too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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