He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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