Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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