Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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