We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
