called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
