you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
