So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
