Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I supernannyed him into submission
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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