her vagine was all disorganized.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
