He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Bang-toberfest begins!!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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