god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
