That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
