Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
