I heard we made out
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Randomize
