just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
