so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
