The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
