well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
