This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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