Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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