I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
