Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
