Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
