Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
