you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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