you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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