The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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