smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
